Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Grasping at straws

Another day has past. Both of my armpits are burning like they are on fire. I have a new monster just above my groin about the size of a loonie (cdn currency). It's very sore. Tonight will be one of those times when I don't sleep at least not for more than an hour at a time. Painkillers are out. I'm still throwing them up.

I truly know what the definition of hell is... agony without a break. You would not imagine how desperate I am becoming. I have no idea what to do anymore. I'm beginning to dread waking up everyday. Dammit, I am getting married this summer. I should be excitedly planning my wedding. I should be on cloud nine. Instead I keep thinking of how I am going to push him away since this is no way for anyone to live let alone to watch someone you love go through it but then I think about what I would do if I were in his shoes. I would do the same as him. I just wish I could be excited about everything but instead this damn disease has me thinking about things no person should.

To quote a friend of mine "HS sucks... fuck you HS"

EDIT: Here is an interesting article from the perspective of someone just learning about the disease.


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