Sunday, August 11, 2013
Sorry I have not been posting much lately but I have been struggling with trying to live normally when I am anything but normal at the moment. With all this rain and dampness the humidity is making me quite ill and causing my HS to flare. I definitely miss our usual "dry summer". For those of you who are wondering exactly what is wrong right now... I have a rather large skin infection again covering my entire lower abdomen below the belly button. Like the stubborn fool that I am I have tried to push through and ignore the pain but it has finally gotten the best of me. As of yesterday I am on strong antibiotics and painkillers. The pain was horrible at the farmers market but I stubbornly pushed through it and put up a false front of being "fine just a bit under the weather" Today the pain is still there but I also am having fevers and vomiting. I just can't win. I'm tired, weak and unable to sleep because of the pain so I am running on about 3 hours sleep in the last few days.
You see because my disease causes me to have open wounds there is a large chance of one of those wounds becoming infected. Much larger than the average persons. I keep all my wounds clean and dressed but infections still occur. This happens to me about 2-3 times a year and has in the past come close to taking my life. I therefore do take it rather seriously. Within 24 hours of noticing my stomach was hot and red my doctor was notified and I had a prescription for antis in my hand.
Of course today I am being stubborn again and trying to catch up on things. Very shortly though I think i will just go and lie down for a bit. It is so hard to live a life where you are sick all the time. You want to be normal but instead you watch as life continues on around you yet you are unable to join. I miss people. I miss seeing my friends. I know a lot of you have your own lives and I imagine you must get so sick of me being ill all the time but it gets lonely. I am trying really hard to improve my health. I eat better than I ever have health wise. I am drinking only water with an occasional tea. I am cleaning my wounds often and taking vitamins supplements. I walk when I am able to to try and gain some strength. BUT I have had this disease for so long now that it has tortured my poor body and pushed it to it's breaking point. My HS is so out of control and it will be a while before the changes I have made will help to ease my condition. I am still waiting to see a surgeon as I need a large area of my skin removed. It is far too damaged to heal at this point and is now growing a large fatty tumor. Yes I get tested for cancer quite regularly actually.
So there you have it I am once again sicker than a dog, feeling lonely, a bit depressed, but being stubborn I'm struggling forward as always. I'm trying to put on a false face so those around me do not know just how sick I really am but it's a loosing battle. I apologize for this rant but I had to get it out. For those of you who are tired of reading/listening to it just stop following this blog. I will understand. Heck I've lost friends because of this disease. It happens a lot. They just drift away and after a while you don't see them anymore.
Well now it's time for me to get back at it after all life is beautiful isn't it? I'm lucky to be alive I've been told I just wish I didn't feeling like the "Walking Dead"